


Triggers Come in Many Forms but so does Comfort

by zgory



Series: Blurring the Lines [2]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies RPF, Thor (2011) RPF
Genre: Flashbacks, Gags, Gen, M/M, Triggers, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-30
Updated: 2012-08-30
Packaged: 2017-11-13 04:37:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/499559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zgory/pseuds/zgory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While on set, a certain prop triggers Tom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Triggers Come in Many Forms but so does Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> I am aware the gag in the movie was probably CGI'd. I wrote this before I figured that out.
> 
>  
> 
> **TW: remembered abuse**

Tom stiffens as he spots the strange device on the table simply labeled "Loki's mouthpiece." A woman from the costume department mistakes his staring for interest and picks it up.

"I see you've found the surprise piece to your costume today." She rotates it in her hands, and Tom feels his insides freeze over as he recognizes what it really is: a gag. He goes into autopilot, nods along mutely, and tries to look attentive as the woman explains how he'll have to bite down on the part that goes into his mouth so that it stays on. "And then it also clasps in place behind your head," she plays with the two ends which come out of the larger front piece, "but those are more for show so make sure to clamp down really hard." She smiles in anticipation for a reaction.

He continues to stare at it and remains uncharacteristically silent. The woman holds the prop up to him. "Would you like to try it on? See if it fits and all that?"

Tom's eyes dart back and forth between the contraption and the woman who is just doing her job. His breathing becomes more measured, but he forces a smile and nods. "Sure. Why not?"

He bends down so it will be easier for her to put the prop on him. She inserts it slowly, but as he clamps down on the mouth piece, a memory slams into him. He feels a rough cloth being forced into his mouth with another one cruelly tied around his head. He remembers screaming out for someone-- anyone-- to come, but nothing happening. His words dying uselessly in his mouth for no one to hear, and only a madman picks up on every noise of panic and fear that does get through.

He practically rips the gag out of his mouth and cares not for where it lands. Tom tries to control the bile which threatens to come back up his throat and backs away from the woman who now stares at him with utmost concern. He waves a hand at her to let her know he's okay, but he can't seem to get his body back under control as his stomach threatens to heave up whatever it contains at the moment.

He hears voices of concern from around him belonging to his castmates, but he waves them all off. Finally, a pair of hands grasps his shoulders, and Chris' voice orders him to breathe. He sucks in air primarily through his nose which once again triggers that feeling of suffocating helplessness he endured. The hands wrap around his arms, and Chris' face comes in closer.

"In through your nose, out through your mouth, Tom," instructs the Aussie. Tom finally opens his mouth, but he's gasping for air like a drowning man. "Come on. Do it nice and slow."

He finally gets his breathing down and drinks in the sight of Chris gazing at him. The other's man's eyes are filled with concern, and Tom's cheeks redden with embarrassment. 

"I-I'm s-s-so sor-sorry. I don't know what c-came over me." 

Chris shakes his head at Tom's apology. "Did you have a flashback?" he whispers. 

Tom briefly considers lying but his head nods just barely, and Chris whisks him off to the maze of trailers while throwing out apologies to the surrounding cast and crew. 

"Chris, I'm fine. Honestly! It was nothing. It's over now," prattles Tom as he attempts to shrug off the other actor's grip. 

Chris' grip tightens around his elbow, and the way his eyebrows furrow together tells Tom his lie isn't flying. 

"I mean it, Chris! I'm over it now," he laughs, but even he is painfully aware of how forced it sounds. "It was silly of me to lose my head over something like that. I mean, of all the things that happened why would wearing a prop gag do that? How that is worse than being man handled or drowned or tasered or carved open--" His hysterical tone gives him pause. Then he remembers that Chris was unaware of the things that had happened during his captivity.

Chris looks at him with horror, and Tom tries to shrink away from him. While the support he receives from the other man continues to be instrumental to his recovery, he never wants Chris' pity. Pity takes him back to a place he'd rather never be. Pity suggests he will always be a victim who is unable to move forward.

"Just forget I said anything," he whispers while trying to slip away. Unfortunately, Chris' grip on his arms remains firm and shows no sign of slacking. The younger actor now looks at him questioningly as if waiting for an explanation. An explanation Tom is still not ready to give despite how patient Chris has been with him. 

He squeezes his eyes shut to block out the other man. "Please, Chris," he hates the way his voice cracks right then, "just drop it." He feels the pressure leave his arms, but when he slowly opens his eyes, Chris still stands before him with concern etched all over his features. 

"I don't want you telling me anything because you feel like you have to," murmurs Chris. "Just know that whenever you're ready, and if you feel it's right, I'm all ears." He gently grasps one of Tom's hands and rubs the pad of his thumb along the Brit's fingers. Tom breathes easier when the smile Chris gives him is not one of pity. Rather it is one of support and understanding, the one Tom has become most familiar with as he underwent his physical recovery. His heart swells for the man before him.

Mistaking his silence as a sign of the conversation being over, Chris begins to pull away. The sensation of loneliness creeps into Tom, and he grasps at Chris' metallic sleeves. "You remember how you found me?" he asks quietly. 

Chris' eyes widen slightly in surprise, but he simply nods. 

"Well, I had just about screamed myself hoarse before you showed up. Really, I tried calling for help whenever I had the chance, but it obviously didn't work. Everything just... died right here," he gestures to his lips, "and it almost got to a point where things died in here." Chris' face resembles that of a kicked puppy's when Tom's hand travels down to his chest. 

"It just served to highlight the helplessness of my situation. No one could hear me therefore no one was coming, and I was screwed." He scratches the back of his head after this little explanation. "So I think trying on that little prop just brought back all of those feelings: that I was trapped and there was no hope for me."

He rubs Chris' arm and hopes the younger actor can feel it through his costume. Tom gives him a small smile. "But we both know that's not how it ended."  
Chris nods his head as his reassuring smile returns. "Far from it, thank God." He wraps his arms around Tom and brings him into a hug.

Tom reciprocates and rests his head on the other man's shoulder. They remain this way for a while. Taking comfort in the other's presence and ignoring everything else around them. 

When Tom does pull away, it is with a sigh of contentment leaving his lips. His smile widens, and he takes a calming breath.

Chris scrutinizes him again. "You know you can always say something to Joss. You won't have to tell him everything of course but just--"

Tom shakes his head. "No. It's really all right. I'm sure it's necessary, and I don't want to be the cause of any more production delays."

"Delays that aren't your fault," counters Chris. "You're entitled to a few changes." He smirks a little. "I mean look at Robert."

Tom rolls his eyes. "That's all improvisational dialogue, and he's a much bigger name than the two of us combined."

Chris purses his lips before remarking, "You know your input's just as valid as anyone else's."

"I know that," says Tom defensively. He avoids eye contact with Chris to stare at the ground. "Which is why I'd like to make a request of my own from you if that's all right."

Chris clasps a hand to his shoulder and squeezes it reassuringly. "Anything."

Tom slowly drags his eyes back up to meet Chris'. "Would you be the one to insert it for me?" he quietly asks. He feels his heart clench as he waits for Chris' response. A part of him fears he's overstepped some sort of boundary.

Which is why when Chris merely blinks a few times in surprise and nods with a silly little smile plastered to his face, Tom sighs in relief once more. He dips his head forward, and he soon feels Chris' hand leave his shoulder to cup his neck as the Aussie presses his own forehead to his. "Of course. If that's what you need then of course."

When they make their way back to the rest of the cast and crew, Tom sees Joss and Kevin have arrived. Joss stares at him with concern and confusion. 

"Hey, Tom. How is everything? I heard you had a bad reaction to the mouthpiece. Is everything okay now?"

Tom looks to Chris, who still has his reassuring smile on, and nods at Joss. The director claps his hands together and announces for everyone to get ready. 

As the costumers put the finishing touches on Tom, he keeps his eyes resolutely glued on Chris who is nodding along encouragingly. Dark memories tickle his mind as the prop chains circle about his wrists, but by concentrating solely on Chris, he is able to keep them at bay. 

Finally, it is time to put the mouthpiece back in. Chris picks it up and gazes at Tom one more time with a questioning look. He mouths the question, "Are you sure?"

Tom slowly nods and opens his mouth. His breath hitches as it goes in, but Chris continues to insert it slowly. As his teeth clamp down on the bit, he continues to maintain eye contact with Chris. The Aussie's large hands run up his face as he clasps the device behind his head. His hands remain cupped around his neck, and Chris leans in to whisper, "Are you good?"

Tom closes his eyes and takes a controlled breath through his nose. He pushes away thoughts of himself and concentrates on being Loki here in this moment. 

When his eyes snap open, Chris hurriedly lets go of his neck and stares at him in amazement before smirking with pleasure. His reaction tells Tom that he has gotten his message across. He may have been beaten in the past, but the future holds an endless array of opportunities. He has only to move forward.


End file.
